Happy

I just want to be happy.
Happy is self-inflicted.
and at times a difficult concept to grasp, to conceive.
The concept is simple: "do what makes you feel good"
The investment is insurmountable yet the implementation to this idea is where the trouble lies
There are plenty internal & external forces constantly preventing and prevailing against you.
Non-ignorable, relentless, daunting, draining.
You don't give up the fight but at the same time its likely you can't give it your all.
Times this by day in and day out and on repeat, and you've got yourself trying to find what makes you happy...
...all for the sake of your sanity
or to remember what "happy" felt like
not even for feeling it brought you - ecstatic joy.

You can easily remember you happy but you can remember you happy

I say find out fast before happy becomes a case of nostalgia
instead of an emotion taking place now.

Happy isn't hard to achieve, you just aren't trying to achieve it.

The "When I'm Gone" Effect

The "When I'm Gone" Effect
It's sad to say it comes to everyone as a surprise...
but it's no surprise.
Classic case of boy meets girl/girl meets boy.

Guys, you find a good chick
that you like more than the fact she likes the dick.
Ladies, you find a good man
that likes you more than your looks.
She's beautiful, she cares, doesn't want you just for your money and you know good and well she could be the one.
He's handsome, treats you right, doesn't want you just for the title and you know good and well he could be the one.
There's good chemistry, great personality, nonstop humor,
a wit & intelligent and love felt by all
his for her, hers for him.
A good love.

The love is going nice and strong
But as time goes on
they ran out of it,
something went rancid!

Somehow, at some time
things were said:
words and objects.
Things were hurt:
hearts and feeling, prides and egos.

As they make their final arguments
she says, "you'll never know how good you had it."
He says something that hits home HARD and hurts...
She gathers her strength and states,
"you'll miss me when I'm gone."

The trial was ugly
the verdict is: no longer together
irreconcilable differences he/she was an [censored]
you're now broken up because you both screwed up!

It's a shame it took a break up for him
to realize how good of a woman he had
It's a shame it took a break up for her
to realize how good of a women she is.

It's the age old "when she's gone"/"when he's gone" or "when I'm gone" effect.
No matter if it was she or he who ultimately messed up in the relationship.
We all know not to get into a relationship if we're not ready
and better yet,
getting into a relationship to make you feel happy is a recipe for disaster
because 2 unhappy people starting a relationship only makes one miserable couple.
You're only getting back what you put in.

With that being said,
Why get into a relationship to test your worth?
Or better yet, to find out what your worth is?
Again, it's sad to say, people only discover their worth
"when I'm gone" after the damage is done,
the undervaluing of self by self and others.

It's about time people, both men and women
know their worth before getting into a relationship.
Know your worth so that it can
never be undervalued, destroyed or treated any less that what it is.

Know your worth
so that next time you won't fall victim to the realization of the "When I'm Gone" effect.

Framework

It's funny because...
When I look at the bigger picture or the full scheme of things
I never see myself in it.

I see my friends, my family, even just some people I know...
doing things, accomplishing goals, living out their dreams.
And the harder I look I see things I'd like to think I can take credit for,
things I think I helped or supported others to get
but still no me in the picture.

Traces of me but no photos of me.

I see me in the framework of my friends and family
but no me in sight of this photo I hold in sight.
This was never caused the concern of "I will never become anything"
but I'd like some confirmation, anything!?

I NOW know that's I'm not to see it, I'm to create it.
The bigger picture is everchanging... with me in mind!
You simply can't take a picture of your work with you in it.
I'm still in the process of making my completing masterpiece
one day at a time until the day its mine.
Until then these are just glimpses of my work underconstruction.
As a result, regardless of if the picture currently changes for better or worse
it's the framework, the frame of mind that makes or breaks the photo.
Change your mindframe and you're never out of frame.
I finally realized I'll never be in the frame because I'm still composing my life's work.

HOE [the double standard]

Here's my point of view on the matter.
Ladies, you complain about them
BUT I really don't SEE or UNDERSTAND WHY?

Christina Aguilera really explains in her song, "Can't Hold Us Down" feat. Lil Kim

"if you look back in history
its a common double standared of society.
The guy gets all the glory the more he can score
while the girl can do the same but yet you call her a whore.
I don't understand why its okay
the guy can get away with it, the girl gets named." -Xtina

True.
This has been an issue throughout time.
The more girls the dude gets the more of the man homie is.

"Here's something I just cant understand,
if a guy have 3 girls then he's the man.
He can even give her some head or sex her off
but if a girl do the same then shes a whore." -Lil Kim

The lyrics are blunt & abrasive but the truth usually is
and I agree with it [and the lyrics] 100%
Offended?
Well you shouldn't be you see...
I have higher standards for women.
Having hoes is more of man thing!
WOMEN should be ladies and know better that to be treated as such and to even do the same because I feel you should/can/will do better.
Don't get me wrong men shouldn't treat women that way from the beginning but with females on the receiving end or enacting the in such behavior it doesn't make me think you any better of you.

Food for thought,
Michael.

My 2 Cents (Advice...)

Take my advice; I'm not using it anyways...

Well in actuality, you should.

My 2 cent is 2 cent well earn and should be taken with much consideration.
I say this not in conceit or cockiness because that's I'm definitely NOT but because I care enough to give it to you and not see you fail or lose your way. And regardless if you consider me a friend, if I consider you a friend of mine I will honestly do whatever it take to see you make it and never see you cry, hurt or mad.

I realize I give out wise, sound and understanding advice out to friends & family (as I've been told). I know it's because I truly naturally am a nice guy and hate seeing people doing bad & distraught. I genuinely love to see people doing good and thriving on their own 2 feet, making something of themselves.

I know no matter what you're going through there's someone out there who wishes they could walk in your shoes.

So it kills me to see individuals I honestly care about pain, sad, etc. and if as cliche as it sounds I would do anything to turn the frown upside. I've always been the big brother with friends and fam always looking out for everyone and it truly comes from the heart. So know if my words hurt it's 'cause they're a bit blunt but its 'cause I care. And if I'm there for you when you're down or at your lowest then you can rest assure I'll be there when you're feeling good and at your greatest!

Yet I know some people would only listen to me if I was a mp3...

Mikeman

Your 2 cent...

Now I'm very openminded person.
Open to all & everyone's opinions.
They all matter to me. It gives a new perspective and outlook on life...
From music and decision-making to achieving my goals, etc & everything!
I am completely open to all ideas and input.
I take it all into consideration before I make my finals decision.

But if there is ever ONE thing
I hate when people try to put their 2 CENT in...
it's in anything relating to
my RELATIONSHIPS!

I don't know what it is but lately everyone from friends to fam have been trynna tell me how to get a girl or what kinda girl to get. Like to date an Asian girl or "you gotta go in for the kill" or "don't text her till 3 days after you get the number Mikeman" or "I got this girl for you and she down for whatever."
I have no idea where this is all coming from.

Main point:
DON'T offer your dating/relationship advice to me. It secretly PISSES ME OFF. You ain't me. You don't know what I like or want or prefer in a woman or how I got about getting that. It's honestly been my PET PEEVE ever since the days of elementary. I'm more than capable of getting a girl and holding down a relationship without your help.

I'm not a completely private person at all... BUT I don't talk about my relationships [that's one part of my life I keep private]. This isn't to say its non-existent I just don't want people asking & intruding with advice or questions on what to do and how to get one, etc. I mean, I don't do that shit to you so don't do it with me but people still gon' put in their 2 CENT regardless...
*shrugs shoulders*

just know your 2 CENT concerning my relationships mean NOTHING are VOID.

Letting it be known for future reference,
Mikeman

"Our friends need new friends"

Sup!
the bestfriend (Jessica) & I have been thinkin' after doing a lot of hanging out over this Winter Break w/ our friends, friends' friends and our own friend.
"Our friends need new friends."

OD [overdose] // stalkers // threats // drunk fights // hospitalizations //

shit talking on an epic scale // drinking & driving //

domestic abuse on a pregnant woman

This is just the kind of drama and friends' fake friends I've been around lately intermingled with real friends. I'm there for my friends 100,020,000% there's no doubt about that. And I've been there for my friends every step of the way thru thick & think and thru bullsh*t and drama but when "your circle of friends start to endanger my circle of life" we have a problem. "Our friends need new friends."

Basically watch not only your but your friend's circle of friends also ...because when they start negitively affecting you and yours CHANGE must be made.
[which I am in the process of doing]

-Mikeman

FEAR [inspired by Jazmine Sullivan]

One of my favorite songs
"Fear" by Jazmine Sullivan.

"This may sound silly but its true
So don't pretend it ain't you too
We're all afraid of something there
Cuz you ain't human without FEAR"

I believe "there's nothing to fear but fear itself." But since fear is something we manifest in our minds due to either a rational or irrational hysteria its hard to void on our own because of our individual rational or irrational selves.

Too heavy? Too deep?
Well its simple actually. But we make it up to be more than what it really is by personifying something that's not even real. I wish I could give you advice on how to conquer your fears but I've got some of my own.


3 Biggest FEARS:
I'm deathly pyrophobic.
[tell me fire doesn't burn and I won't fear it --- impossible]

Afraid of heights
[probably why I'm afraid of roller coasters haha]

Fear of not knowing what my future holds...
[I believe this is a loaded fear. Both a fear of time (the uncertain future) and not: knowing and being in control (the uncertainty).

I get really contemplative and start to wondering what my future holds for me. Like what's going to happen (in my life). With life there's no guarantee or guidebook to lead the way... in this journey called life. So when I really get to thinking about my future it truly does freak me out NOT knowing what is to become of me. If I'm doing the right thing? Making the right moves? etc. I overanalyze everything before I make a move and sometime I even think I kill myself over for that. [I'M DEFINITELY A THINKER] But before I kill myself in thought over analyzing life I stop and think...

"And if everything turns out
The way I hope it goes
Then I can't wait to find out
What it is that God knows" - Mutya Buena

Only God knows what's in store for me
So Imma just let his plan for me ride out


fears handed to God,
Mikeman